Thursday, September 23, 2004

FW: Too good

Below is a mail that spells out unity in diversity found in India. Further down are the effects of forwarding such a mail to my roommates – Abhilash, Jeba, and Shashikant Akula.

~* Da Mail *~

From: Anish

Guys, checkout this forward.
too good :)
Akula, tum hyderabad mein kya kara?!?

Tamils are always proud to be Tamizhs. Pretty courteous (that is what they
think, at least!). They speak yenglish but sorry, no indi (Hindi) saar...what da??. The more common Madarasi (chennaisi..., now?) is an ardent fan of kireeket matches. Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish like "...are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya I'll go akela!" Andthey take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar.

Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have "simble" neighbours in the "keralites"who are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from themiddle east, I guess, and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but theyeat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of chai shops in the world and form 99.89% of nursing community.

Not far begind the kerals is the telugu desam, who are totally againesht flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu (pleat).Worustu, no?! But they (think) are greatu in CICSu, Microsu and COBOLu!Generally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them judgingu,probhingu, queschioningu othersu ....)

The Canadians, excuse me, the Kannadigas aor (are) the coolest dobun south but if there is political unrest in Hersogovnia oare (or) an ebolavirus outbreak in Zaire, they bash up the Tamils in Karnataka. Cauveryvery bad! When it comes to Rajkumar (actor), if a fly sits on his nose,they'll burn the entire city of Bengaloroo to kill the fly! To hell withSilicon valley! I-ron, firshtu, girlu, Lasht Bussu, roadu, crickeatu, filamu are some of their favourites.

Maharashtrians are a conservative, confused, complex lot-kar. -Kar, that is because gavasakar, tendulkar, bahulkar,.. confused that is becausesitting in southern part of India they would ask the other person "are youfrom Maharashtra or from south India..?" and genuinely wonder why the other person takes some time to answer the question. They like the principles of pheejix and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay (god knows where that came from). Although soft, peace loving people but they elect the shivsena to rule them.

And right there next to the Maharashtrians are the Gujjubhais. They liketo keep kes in the benk and their favourite past time is eating snakes (snacks) like paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake bar. They gobble down palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the brotherhood and sisterhood of man and woman (everybody is a bhai or aben).

If you go further eesht, the land uf Udissa - the land of irron ("r"unsilent) where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people are bery cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask your name starts from B or Bhe. They do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the wasbashin. James Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero, jero, sebhen.

Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas Chondro Boashand Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who wasalso pretty good) and eberybody is X da. I used to habe a friend by name. Dada. Bonder...neber mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are berygoooood, tho!

Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in theuniverse!). How we wish they grow up the same way,...but... And Bihareesare bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, isse bhadiya tumre pass koochi haikaa?! * spit spit... *

UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and istudying metals to make lots of ishteel.

Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offer Rotti Shotti Khayega! towhich I once replied No. He said Tage itu, yaar! By Godu! Surjeetu, what happenedu, oi?!. Then of course, everybodys a paappe or a kaakke. Thats Punjab for you.

And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be because of the amount of cashspent to keep it in India)?!?I know Roja (or Roza?)was shot (I mean filmed) somewhere nearby... But at the end of the day, wherever you are in the world, whether it is inSunnyvale, CA; Birmingham, UK; UmmAl Quwain, UAE; or Serangoon Road, Singapore, ask them who they are and you'll get just one answer --- "INDIANS" ====
~* Da Effectz *~

Abhilash: kya subah subah chutiya forward bhej taa hain?
Anish: You brisht insaan! forgot that you like only romantic poems, love stories, and other mushy forwards :D
Abhilash: You are 100% correct there...
Akula: You also don't forget that you are also not from mumbai.
Anish: I'm not from Mumbai. I'm from Navi Mumbai :) Hey shashi, i was just kidding re. Dil pe mat le yaar :) After all, where ever we are from, we are all just INDIANS :)
Akula: Tu kaha le ya yaar <(º¿º)>
Abhilash: the world would be a better place without boundaries... i am a world citizen... i speak the language of love and peace...fuck you... akula!!!
Anish: Omg! I'm about to fall off the chair!!!!
Akula: Sorry!! we figure it late that you are guy
Abhilash: fall off the chair, you !@#$@@#$#$# ... the reception has the first-aid kit!! break your pen@#$#$ ... she'll heal it...
Anish: you basket! that was a good one :) The poet in you is raring to go. Its time to pen down "Romance of a Goon, under a brishtful moon" by Abrishtlash Warrier. :)
Abhilash: That was a good one too... hope i am under a brishtful moon... two moons actually!!!
Akula: ya ya, but the night would look like moon day with 2 moons then.
Abhilash: abhay @#$#@$#@%$#$ from hyderaBAD... do u even know what the connotations are of two moons? forget it... do u even know what a "connotation" is?
Anish: And so the plot thickens... concoction of connotations, with two moons adding their flavor!And whoever said life is plain vanilla, better eat his words, or at least taste one moon :) Jeba, you there? we miss your interjections in this very happening e-mail thread. Wake up!!!
Akula: If you read the mail properly, and i suggest read the mail properly, I was actually talking about light and brightness of 2 moons and about "connotation".
Anish: RUNNING COMMENTARY: And Shashi has made a come back!!! Assuming Abhilash doesn't read mails properly, would you enlighten us with your understanding of "light and brightness" of two moons and the associated connotation? Our viewers are eager to hear you talk :)
Jeba: Looks like its a lot about two moons and way too many morons! Whilst you go on mooning... this bloody Indian don't have time to breathe... don't wanna miss the bus again!
Abhilash: i cannot read your mail again... that is asking for too much. what the fuck does that sentence mean anyways??? and jeba, what happened? your ass on fire kya?
Jeba: Ass already roasted... trying to save other vital parts! :(
Abhilash: nahi, yeh theek nahin kara tu, anish!!! spare me the torture of hearing the hyderBADi talking about moons!! would have sent him to titan if i could have...
Akula: where do you think this will end up!! then at moon or light.
Anish: I don't know where this will end up. But if you don't stop talking, you'll end up at Titan :D And I don't mean the Titan showroom in Hyderabad! :)
Akula: after all you are "lash", if you would have been abhilash then i would made u "lash"and listen i think anish!! is trying to keep you busy!!
Akula: I don't think like u
Anish: I don't *think* like u
Abhilash: we all knew that... good that you realize it now. you are closer to enlightenment now... than ever before...
Abhilash: akula writes: "and listen i think anish!! is trying to keep you busy!!" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EXCLAMATION MARK DOING THERE AFTER 'ANISH'?
Akula: for your kind information i have written to you to read it, but not to review it.
Anish: the cool akula, and brishtful abhilash,We are now on the verge of waging a proxy cold-war by e-mail. Chillax guys :) We're here only to have some fun. And Akula, itna dil pe mat le, nahi to mooh mein lena padega! ~* Om shanti Om *~
Abhilash: i am like that only... you have a problem, then don't write wrong english.. wrong that i can catch.. if i can't, good for you.. good for me... and anish, good that u don't "think" like him... if he ever does, that is...
Abhilash: Meri daadi main aag lagi hain, aur janab akula maachis main aag lagaane ko aaye hain!!


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