Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Untitled - Prelude

"You're so irresistible! I'd flirt with you even if you were married..." quipped Sanjay.

"So marry me" came the flirtatious, yet confident reply.

"Sneha, will you marry me?" laughed Sanjay.

"You jerk! You're better than I thought!" protested Sneha

"I'm only a little better than you..." smiled Sanjay.

"Hmmmm..." came the retort.

"I'd flirt with you even if you were married....... TO ME" declared Sanjay.

"Sanju, I love what's happening between us...but I'm scared of losing it." quivered Sneha.

"Baby, have you heard of the saying 'everything happens for the good’?”

"Well, this is happening for the BEST" came the reassuring reply.

"Good night, sweet heart. Love you! *click*" the phone line went blank.

Sneha clutched on to the receiver, mesmerized and thinking deeply. On one hand, she felt good about what was happening and on the other, her mind was reeling episodes of love. Another love. Estranged and now let out like a bottle of worms.

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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Desi Acknowledgement

The United States is a very warm country when it comes to extending courtesy. People here always let others in first, hold the door open for you, maintain a good two-feet distance while talking, and excuse themselves for crossing your path. Honking is a rare event and only seen during a road rage. Drivers stop their car to let you cross the street first and smile at you! The fact that pedestrians have the right of way is a law but is an enjoyable example of courteous behavior.

Now, the adaptive bunch of people that we are, the average desi has absorbed the American way of life and apes it well. Gults yank their desi English accents producing a unique tongue, or more often just
stick to their usual Indian English. The concept of neutral English is yet to catch up. But the United States being a melting pot and the adopted home to a bizarre number of cultures has its own rainbow of verbal accents ranging from West-European to Mexican all the way to the very shy East Asian Chinky. Even the 'American' accent is as varied as Southern Yanky, Bad Nigga, and the dumb Blonde. Considering this heterogeneity, the desi Gult accent is not bad a fit and is accepted just like any other. Its only back home that we pride our neutral accent and stalk the inarticulate of their parlance!

Another ramification of this acquired courteous behavior syndrome, which I’d like to call ACBS, is that one desi always acknowledges another with a nod or a smile - even strangers! A few over-friendly types even strike up a conversation with the clichéd "Hindi bolte ho?" icebreaker. Hmmm... Only if the desi could extend the same courtesy to brethren back home!

Glossary of Terms

Desi – Hindi word for fellow countrymen used when abroad
Gult(s) – Telugu speaking people hailing from Andhra Pradesh
West-European Languages – French, Italian, German
East-Asian Chinky – People from the Far East countries such as China, Korea, Malaysia and Japan.
Southern Yanky – White Americans from the southern states such as Texas.
Nigga – Colloquial for Nigger, African-American.
Hindi – The national language of India
(Translation) Hindi bolte ho? – Do you speak Hindi?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Cats are swift animals. Not only are they fast, slender, and agile but amazingly smart animals. I've had three of them to know it too well.

Today, after about a round of Old Monk and two rounds of beer, I spotted a dead cat on my way home. The poor little thing was run over by some speed freak. It had it's heart and intestines hanging out of its abdomen, waiting for other drivers to run over what's left. Its skull was crushed and eyes popped out in almost an unimaginable, horrific fashion. Now, me & Nabeel, being the cat lovers that we are, decided to move the dead little kitty and pay last respects to her, lest another careless driver run over her cold corpse. We gently lifted her cold body and placed it by the pavement. Our hearts sank at the sight with the feeling we had while lifting her. The normally purry, warm animal felt so cold and lifeless. All we could think of was "may its soul rest in peace." After all, like us humans, animals too deserve to die respectfully and rest in peace. May be I should join PETA?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Gajaj leads Homosexual Parade with Gulsar

By a staff reporter
October 12, 2006

As per AutoReport 2006, Gajaj Auto Ltd., leads the homosexual parade with their avant garde, top seller, the Gulsar motorcyle. Going by the cliché 'Definately Male', Gulsar has stirred up a storm in the Indian biking scene. With 8 out of 10 bikes sold being Gulsars, the biker tribe sure knows where to put its money.

Speaking to this reporter, Sunny Darling, 22, a Gulsar 180 owner said "I simply love my Gulsar 180. It is the best form of expression for me. You know so many guys check me out when I'm riding my Gulsar!"

Gajaj expects to sell about 30,000 units during the current fiscal. Rahul Gajaj, the MD of Gajaj Auto Ltd. said "The Gulsar is not just a bike. It is an expression and the voice of homosexuality in India. With the Gulsar, we aim to reach out to every guy who loves to ride a male motorcycle."

Gajaj Auto Ltd. will also be hosting the annual gay parade, ANALyze2006, where over 2000 homosexuals are expected to ride their Gulsars in a subjective formation.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Time for a new set of wheels

After six years and over 1,00,000 gruelling kilometers, my Fiero is finally showing signs of wearing. The electricals seem to have a mind of their own. The chain and sprocket play dandiya while I ride. The engine seems tired and not very eager to go. The chasis is rusting from the outside. Well, all this despite spending a cool 5,000 bucks on maintenance just in June. When you find yourself spending more money on the bike's maintenance than it's fuel, it is official. It's time for a replacement. If I had it my way, I would give a twelve-gun salute for the kind of service she's given me before turning her into the scrap yard. But unfortunately or not, I see that she can easily run another 25,000 kms before going on life support. And moreover, my panwallah seems ever interested to have her. At least he'll have her riding on his daily rounds rather than his ancient BSA cycle.

So that being said, comes the question- what replacement? Going for anything less than 150cc would be a downgrade and no fun to drive. I'm not the mileage-conscious kinds. Haven't checked the Fiero's fuel efficiency in the last four years. And so I set my target segment as 150cc and above. And in this segment, I shortlist (in no specific order):

(a) Pulsar-150 v2 (with alloys)
(b) Pulsar-180 UG3 (with LED tail lights & digital speedo)
(c) Honda Unicorn
(d) Bullet Electra 350 (with electric start & disc brakes)
(e) TVS Apache
(f) Hero Honda Karizma

The Pulsar twins go straight out, thanks to their short-stroke, high-revving engines. In my opinion, the Pulsars sound like someone put a 50 paise coin in a tin can and shook it violently! Buying a Pulsar would be joining the rat race. Besides, there are more Pulsars in Mumbai than rats!

The Honda Unicorn with its docile looks and silky-smooth powerplant makes for a delectable option. However, with its poor build quality, cheap quality plastics, and bad service, one tends to think twice about a Unicorn. And so did I. Adios, amigos, my friend!

Many of my friends who own Bullets have suggested to me that I grab the opportunity and a bike for life - The Royal Enfield Bullet. The Electra or any other bike from the RE stable fails to impress me. Besides a huge displacement, these bikes have nothing spectacular. They do not perform as good as other bikes in their category nor do they use fuel frugally. However royal the name seems, these World War II technology monsters are only good for the Bullet Experience, for whatever that means! If I spent 87k on an Electra, I'd also be probably trying to convince myself about the ownership experience of a Bullet rather than its 0-60 times and top speed, let alone fuel efficiency. Premium pricing for a machine selling on pure goodwill!

The TVS Apache, rightly fits its tag line - It's now or never! I have to buy a new bike. It's now or never! With its super sexy looks, black alloys, and gas shocks, Apache is a formidable choice. Further strengthening the Apache's hold is the same, reliable Fiero engine - albiet a little more refined and more powerful. For once, TVS has got it's design and engine spot on! No wonder Apache become my first choice and it already is. Tarun already has a black Apache and having another one under the same roof makes no practical sense.

So finally everything boils down to the Karizma. Being Hero Honda's only long stroke, unstressed engine, the Karizma makes a whopping 17bhp at just 7000 rpm. With oodles of low-end torque and a maximum torque of 18.35nm @ 6000 rpm, the Karizma comes across as a no-non-sense, reliable, long term performer. The Pulsar 180 might be just half a bhp behind. But as they say, there is no replacement for displacement! Priced at 81,475 (OTR, Vashi), the Karizma does burn a big hole into my pocket! With a maximum expectable fuel effiency of just 35 kmpl, the Karizma is sure to demand a lot of pampering. But as they say, everything comes at a price. Currently, no other bike fits my bill. How I wish they began producing the good old Fiero again.

Ideas, anyone?

Friday, August 18, 2006

Make Love

"Sensous" by Carrie GraberSliding fingers through your hair,
Besieges a gentle clasp in arduous flair.
You draw closer, our bodies sway,
A warm sigh, répondez s'il vous plaît?

Lips tease your earlobes high,
Caress your cheek, a deeper sigh!
Eyes sparkle with a lusty buckle;
Quizzing social rules, you chuckle.

Mellow aroma floods the air,
“Hold me in your arms”, you swear.
While the love candles burn,
Fears melt, rules spurn.

Caress your lips; you close your eyes,
Should you resist? Not quiet.
Eyes meet, you grow weaker,
Now, you are my pleasure seeker.

Bodies drop, hearts meet,
Gentle warmth, to a mature beat.
Passion melts fears antique,
When we make love, like our hearts bespeak.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Originally uploaded by mercurian.
The gateway of India is a national monument located in Mumbai, India. It is not uncommon to find pesky photographers urging tourists to pose in front of the monument or the Taj Mahal hotel for a quick photograph in return for a small sum. What's more, they even guarantee delivery of the print in half-an-hour flat! These three nuns visiting the city, had one such pesky photographer pestering them to get their photo clicked. After fighting much temptation, the younger of the nuns decided to not have their photo clicked. The older nun, meanwhile, shooed the photographer away and reminded the younger nuns that their lives were dedicated to the service of the King, Lord Jesus Christ.